


I might cry in front of you

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episodes, Happy Ending, Hospitals, M/M, Mention of suicide attempts, NO DEATH, Panic Attacks, Sad, mention of self harm, violent episodes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 05:26:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19144453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tyler gets admitted to a mental and behavioral hospital and meets some friends, like his new roommate, Josh. He feels normal for the first time in a long time.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been in the clique for like. Years. In and out of it since like 2013? I don’t know. But this is my first joshler fic so I hope yall like it.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings: talks of suicide attempts, violent episodes, self-harm, etc.
> 
> Please proceed with caution.
> 
>  
> 
> Title from the song Death Cup by Mom Jeans

 

Tyler gets admitted to Riverview Mental & Behavioral Hospital at 4 in the morning on a Tuesday. 

 

The nurses took all of his stuff but what he’s wearing to search it. He had to fill out tons of paperwork. 

 

He was in the ER prior to this, for 2 days, actually. His parents didn’t stay with him. His sister brought him a bag of his clothes before they transferred him from Howard Hospital. 

 

He’s led back to his room in the boy's wing, following a nurse.

 

He isn’t in his room for all of 5 minutes before his roommate wakes up.

 

“Hello?” A gravely voice says 

“Hi, Josh,” the nurse smiles at his roommate. “This is your new roommate, Tyler.” 

 

Tyler feels bad that his roommate was woken up so early. 

 

“Sorry for waking you up,” the nurse continues, “we’re just moving Tyler in.” 

“Oh. Mkay.” 

 

When the nurse leaves, the roommate speaks again. 

 

“New guy, eh?” 

Tyler just nods, pulling his sleeves down over his hands to hold them. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sure I’ll get to know you better when it isn’t the middle of the night.” 

“Right,” Tyler’s voice is a little hoarse. 

“Night.” 

“Mm. Night.”

 

\---

 

“Hi, Tyler,” A nurse— doctor maybe?— comes in, smiling at him. 

Tyler just stares. 

“I’m Mark, I’m one of the nurses here.” 

“I-I’m tired,” Tyler says, low. 

“I know, but it’s time to start getting up! I just gotta take some blood from you first, then you can start your day.” 

 

Tyler swallows and nods, giving Mark his arm. 

 

“Now it’s time for weight and vitals. Come with me.” 

 

Tyler sighs and follows Mark down the hall. 

 

\---

 

When Tyler gets back to his room, his roommate his away and getting ready. 

 

“Uh, morning.”

“It was morning earlier when we met,” Josh smirks.

Tyler raises his eyebrows, his lips turning up a little. “Fair.”

 

Tyler takes him in. He’s tall-ish and he has hair that's dyed just at the tips as if he’s been in here for a while and it’s grown almost all the way out. His hair looks messy. As if maybe it’s supposed to be styled, but instead it’s just a mess. Tyler likes it. 

 

Tyler glances around their room, to the single bookshelf they have. He doesn’t have any of his own belongings yet, so he looks at Josh’s stuff without being glaringly obvious that he’s trying to snoop. 

 

Okay, maybe it’s a little obvious. 

 

There are a few loose sheets of paper, a lot of jumpers, and some sweats. Everything but the papers are neat and folded. The papers were more of a mess, probably how Tyler’s mind is. Some were crumpled, some ripped, nothing looked like it could be remotely in order. If there was any order, to begin with. 

 

Tyler looks down at Josh’s feet as he slides on his vans without shoelaces. And it dawns on Tyler that his shoes were probably being de-laced as they speak. 

 

“Damn, no wonder you were uncomfortable last night,” Josh’s verbal observation makes Tyler look down.

 

Suddenly self conscious of his exposed neck, he pulls his sweatshirt up more. 

 

“They made you sleep in your damn jeans. That sucks.”

 

Tyler blinks at Josh, not expecting that. “Yeah, well. My sweats had strings in them, so I wasn’t allowed to have them…”

 

Josh nods, giving him a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, that sucks. It’ll suck more when you get them back and they fall off you cause the strings are out and they don’t fit anymore.”

 

“Gee, thanks. So reassuring.”

 

Josh just smiles at Tyler. 

  
  


Josh clearly has no shame, because he starts to change for the day then and there. Door mostly open, Tyler the room still. Tyler swallows and looks away, but not before he sees Nick’s bare torso. His body is littered with tattoos and scars. 

 

Josh replaces his hole-y sleep shirt with a green sweatshirt. It messed his hair when he slid it on, but it made his hair look impossibly cuter. He grabs a beanie and slips it over his head. 

 

“Do you need to do anything to get ready? I can help walk you through it, if you need.”

Tyler shakes his head, “I just gotta brush my teeth.”

“We have cubbies in a locked closet, we sign our things out and will get turns in the two bathrooms. The one on the left is the warmer one, so when you shower make sure you wait out for that one. It’s worth it.”

Tyler nodded, taking note. 

 

Tyler stops at the nurses station and shows his hospital bracelet. They gives him his medicine in a little cup and checked once he took them. I stood behind a bit, before the nurse told to me come up. 

 

“Um, I’m not sure if you have my meds… I’m new…” Tyler started to scratch at his wrist. 

“That’s okay sweetie! Can I see your bracelet?”

He lifts his wrist and shows her. 

“Perfect,” she steps away for a second. 

  
  


Tyler sees some of the other boys getting ready, a few of them stared and Tyler became conscious, yet again, of his neck.

 

The nurse handed him his pills and a plastic cup of water, “please take them here.”

Tyler swallows the 4 pills he’s given, not even bothering asking what the new ones were.

“Can you open your mouth for me?”

Tyler did because he saw Josh had, so he figured it was normal. 

“Thank you,” she smiled and Tyler did his best to reciprocate it. 

 

Tyler went back to stand with Josh, but he couldn’t find him anymore so he just stood against the wall, observing everyone. 

 

Josh came back to Tyler after a few moments, “Hey Tyler, want to go to the day room?” 

Tyler shrugs and follows him into a room lit by windows with bars on them. They sit down on a worn sofa. 

 

\---

 

“Hi!” 

Tyler flinches as someone comes up to him in the day room. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,”Josh smiles at him lightly. 

Tyler just nods. 

“I figured I’d sit with you since you don’t really know anyone yet! And like, you don’t know me, either. But you know me more than the rest of these guys, right?” 

Tyler nods again. 

“Do you speak?” Josh asks, curious. 

Tyler swallows, “Y-yeah.” 

“Nice,” Josh smiles and it’s genuine, not judging. Which is… new. “I have a few friends here if you wanna meet them.”

“I don’t know,” Tyler says. 

“You’re gonna have to meet people eventually,” Josh says, trying to encourage him to meet the new people. 

Tyler sighs, “Yeah, okay. I guess.”

 

Josh leads him to a worn couch, “this is Brendon.”

“Um, hi,” Tyler sits, scratching absentmindedly at his wrist. 

“Hey bud! No need to be anxious!” 

 

Tyler is startled by the friendlessness of this kid, considering the circumstances and how Tyler had literally never met him before in his life. He drapes his arm around Tyler’s shoulders and Tyler winces at the touch to his neck. 

“Shit bro, sorry,” Brendon backs off and then got closer again, “damn, you really did a number on your neck, didn’t you?”

“Dude!” Josh gives him a warning look.

“Again, sorry.”

Tyler forces a site, “it’s cool. It happens.”

“Not really, though. What exactly did… happen?”

“More like what didn’t happen,” Tyler chuckles at his own dumb joke before realizing everyone’s eyes are still on him. 

“Oh, uh, I tried to hang myself. I thought it was kinda obvious?”

“Dude,” Josh’s voice had fallen, “fuck that, I’m sorry.”

Tyler shrugs. 

“I’m in here for slitting my wrists. Someone found me and bandaged me up. Then I was brought here,” Brendon gives them a sad smile. 

“I’m here for violent episodes,” Josh mumbles. “And anxiety and whatever.” 

 

Tyler couldn’t imagine Josh, the guy who’s been so nice to him since he got here, was violent. 

 

“See, you’re not alone,” Brendon smiled. 

 

Tyler looks around and sees about 6 other boys have come into the day room, all sitting in little groups like the one they were in.

 

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing… listen we just met, but you two are the coolest, nicest people I’ve met. It’s not fair you guys have to feel this pain as well. It’s messed up.”

“Amen to that!” 

“Amen to what?” A new boy comes up next to the couch.

“Ry! Come join us,” Brendon smiles at the guy, pulling him down in-between us, “this is Tyler!”

“Sup,” he gives Tyler a head nod and Tyler does his best to return it, coming off as more awkward than cool. 

 

Tyler starts to rub at his neck a little, too exposed and anxious right now. This was all too much, too many new people, too many new things. 

 

“Hey,” Josh looked at me, “you’re fine.”

Tyler nods but doesn’t quite believe him. 

 

He has no idea where he is and he has no idea what’s happening with him. These people keep acting like it’s normal. but it isn’t. 

 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how frequently I'll be updating, but the positive feedback on my first chapter made me want to get this next one out asap! 
> 
> TW: mentions of an eating disorder and sleep disorder in this chapter, as well as gen anxiety and depression

Tyler walks into the group room for their first group after breakfast. Everyone is sitting down, some on the floor, some on the couches and chairs, but everyone has a spot. He doesn’t. So he sits back and waits for everyone to sit first. 

 

“Josh, come sit with us,” Brendon smiles at him. Tyler walks over and sits on the floor, against the couch where Brendon, Ryan, and Josh were sitting. 

Josh slides down to sit next to Tyler and smiles. 

 

“Hi everyone,” a woman, probably in her mid-twenties, walks in and smiles, “how are we this morning?” 

People mutter in reply and she smiles, “alright, well let’s get started for the day, yeah? Kyle, do you want to start us off?”

A guy with messy, reddish hair looks up and starts, “sure. I’m Kyle, I’m f-feeling kind of anxious today, k-kind of manic. My goal is t-to open-en up in group later to-today.”

 

The woman smiles, “great!” she writes on the whiteboard behind her his name, his emotion, and goal. “Alright, let’s go clockwise.”

 

“I’m Marc, I’m fine.”

“Any other word than fine?”

He thinks for a minute, “I’m tired?”

Everyone laughs and the kid, Marc, cracks a smile at it. 

 

Josh leans over to Tyler, “he has insomnia, he’s always complaining about being tired. It’s like the only other word he uses in the mornings.”

Tyler nods. 

 

They continue to go around the circle, all describing their mood and making a goal. 

 

By the time they get to Tyler, Tyler looks at the woman for help, unsure if he’s really got it down or not. 

 

“You’re new, right? I’m Jenna, I run some of the groups” the woman smiles at Tyler, “can you say your name, a word to describe how you’re feeling, and a goal if you have one. It’s your first day, so it’s okay if you don’t.”

 

“Uh,” Tyler can feel all of the eyes on me and he starts to scratch at his arm, “I’m Tyler. I’m anxious.  I think… I think I’m kinda scared, too.”

 

Josh bumps his knee into Tyler’s, giving him a reassuring smile. 

 

“Thank you, good job,” Jenna smiled.

 

Josh went next. 

“Josh. Sad. Tired, because my roommate wouldn't go the f to sleep last night and kept me up,” he nudged Tyler and laughed, “um goal is to not overthink.”

Jenna smiled, “that’s a good goal.”

Josh nods. 

 

The rest of the morning check-in goes by fast and the boys get some free time. 

 

Ryan sits next to Brendon, their hands intertwined in Ryan’s lap. 

 

Tyler starts to scratch at his neck again, getting anxious thinking about what's going to go on today. 

 

“Josh?”

He perks up a little and smiles at Tyler, “yes?”

“What’s a, uh… what’s a normal day in here like? Is it bad? What will they expect from me?”

“They expect you to eat,” Ryan scoffs, “it’s really not it’s all cracked up to be.”

Brendon nudges the boy, “Ryan struggles with anorexia,” he explains, “he isn’t trying to scare you, the food isn’t bad, he just doesn’t eat much.”

Tyler nods, understanding mixing with worry. He was so small as it was, he looked as if I could break him by touching his shoulder too roughly. 

 

Tyler shakes his head, not being able to get it through his mind how all of these people in here struggled with similar, yet so different things as he does. And that, before the other day, he had never met another person like himself. And here, it’s treated as the norm. 

 

“We honestly just have a lot of group therapy sessions, we get some free time in between them, and we have 3 meals plus like some snack time. We can’t go back to our rooms, though, we have to stay in the group room until it’s time for bed.”

 

Tyler nods, going along with it. As if spending his entire day out of the comfort of his own room was okay.

 

—

 

Tyler goes up to another nurse, nurse Debby, a few hours later. 

 

“I don’t… I want to go back to my room,” Tyler rubs his neck. “Please?” 

“I’m sorry, Tyler, you have to stay here in the main group room. We’re gonna do a movie later tonight, that’ll be something you can look forward to, right?”

Tyler shrugs, tearing up. “I don’t want to be here,” he whispers. 

“Here here or here as in alive?” She asks him. 

Tyler shrugs again. 

“Okay, Tyler, I’ll tell you what. You look like you’ve made some new friends since getting here, right? You’ve done pretty well for your first day. So let’s find you a little something to help. What do you like to do to get your creativity out? Some of the guy here like to scrapbook in old books we have, we have journals and pencils for writing or drawing, we have—” 

Tyler looks up at Debby, hopeful. “I like to write.”

“Yeah?” She smiles, “Alright, I’ll go get you a journal and a pencil. Just so you know, the pencils don't have erasers and you'll have to give them back at the end of the day. Deal?” 

 

Tyler does most of his writing in the middle of the night, so it’s going to suck not having a pencil then, but he agrees. Because something is better than nothing. 

  
  


“Look!” Tyler goes up to Josh holding up his new composition notebook. “Look I got a journal!” 

Josh smiles, “no way! Dude that’s great. It took me at least two days to get a notebook.” 

Tyler isn’t quite sure what that means, but he goes with it. 

“It just sucks that we have to return the pencils,” Tyler mumbles. 

Josh smiles and leans into Tyler, “I hid one in my waistband last week, so we have one in our room.” 

“Oh, sick!” Tyler smiles, “You’re the best!” 

Josh gets a hint of blush on his cheeks and he chuckles, “th-thanks.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments help me a lot!


End file.
